Sometimes you need a quick fix. We get that.
You probably feel like crawling under a rock or whatever they say. The good news is, probably no one actually gives a fuck but you. (Unless you cheated, hurt someone, or left the toilet seat up, you privliedged fucks).
Since you won’t be able to accept that, here’s the survival kit to starting over anew. You’ve messed up bad enough to earn yourself a chance to start over completely. Cheers to a new identity and hoping no one will ever remember that awful thing you did!